One20 Tuesday

Here’s to You: A Love Letter to Boundaries

Often, when I talk to clients about self-love and care, I hear responses like:
“I go to the gym,”
“I get weekly mani-pedis,”
“I’ve got a vacation to Aruba planned.”

And those are all wonderful ways to take care of yourself. But what I’m referring to is something deeper—setting standards for yourself and protecting your energy and peace. Think of it like a personal security system. I’m talking about a self-defense mechanism that safeguards you emotionally and holistically.

This brings us to the topic of boundaries.

Boundaries have become a bit of a buzzword—right up there with “manifest,” “authenticity,” and “the Universe.” These words have entered the cultural conversation, shaping how we view our lives and our choices. But boundaries, while crucial to healthy living, are often misunderstood. They can come off as rigid or unfriendly because, frankly, they stop others from doing what they want. But boundaries aren’t punishments—they’re protection. They’re how we preserve balance.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by family obligations, work commitments, constantly running around for others, or just doing too much—chances are, you’re showing up more for everyone else than for yourself. That’s a clear signal: it’s time to set boundaries.

Recently, I had a conversation with a family member—let’s call her Sandra (names changed to protect the possibly not-so-innocent). Sandra prides herself on always being available for others, day or night. We were talking about an upcoming trip when she mentioned a fear of flying—not because of crashing, but because of the oxygen masks. I asked her, “If there was an emergency on the plane, who would you put the oxygen mask on first?”

Without skipping a beat, she replied, “My kids, then my husband.”
“And after that?” I asked.
“I’d help whoever else needed it,” she said.

I responded, “I’d put the mask on myself first.”

She looked stunned. “That’s so selfish! How could you think of yourself first in a moment like that?”

My answer was simple: “If I’m not breathing, I’m not much help to anyone else.”

She brushed it off, shrugged, and changed the subject. I could tell the point hadn’t landed—and I probably came off as selfish. But the truth is, if we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t show up fully for others. Self-care and boundaries go hand-in-hand.

So, let’s say it together:
Boundaries are good. Boundaries are necessary.

A Few Tips on Setting Boundaries:

1. It’s more than just saying “no.”
Boundaries are also about stating what you do want. For example:
“I want to spend my day off relaxing and then go out to dinner,”
or
“I need Thursday off for personal matters.”
When you clearly express your needs, you’re honoring your time and energy.

2. Boundaries can be kind and compassionate.
Setting limits isn’t about being harsh. Healthy boundaries come from a place of respect—for yourself and others. If someone is hurt by your boundary, respond with care. You might say,
“I’m sorry I can’t take you to the mall today—I’m feeling overwhelmed and need some time for myself.”
Clarity + compassion = fewer misunderstandings.

3. Boundaries bring us closer.
Without boundaries, relationships can become codependent or enmeshed—we lose our sense of self. But clear boundaries help build real intimacy and reduce resentment or confusion. They create space for connection, not distance.

4. Listen to your instincts.
Everyone has boundaries—spoken or not. You may not always voice them, but you feel them when they’re crossed. Pay attention to how your body reacts in those moments. Trust those signals. They’re there to guide you.

5. Boundaries protect all areas of your life.
This isn’t just about people—it’s about your health, time, money, energy, and relationships. When you protect these areas, you create space for what truly matters.

And yes—boundaries are hard sometimes. They’ll be tested. You might struggle to maintain them. That’s normal. But boundaries aren’t set in stone—you can revisit and adjust them. They’re your personal superhero, protecting your peace.

So, here’s to setting boundaries, living intentionally, nurturing healthy relationships, and practicing deep self-care—because you are absolutely worth it.

And sometimes? It doesn’t hurt to have a few big protective dogs too. 🐾

Here’s to you.
— Michele